Today I gave my life to God, but in a way I hadn’t before. I decided to give up the notion that I would one day be able to drink again in a healthy manner. I have been incessantly, inCESSANTLY, living in the future when it comes to my “healing” and it has been a total DISRUPTION to my daily life.
I was sitting in an AA meeting today at my childhood church, and it just came to me in a way it hadn’t before. That, although I don’t struggle with binge drinking (anymore), I still continue to obsess over my next birthday party where I’ll be “healthy” and “drinking shots upon shots” because I’m “healthy”. Fucked, isn’t it?
The disease had me wrapped around its little finger…but I am realizing quickly that I NEED to surrender to my Higher Power if I want to heal, and that means surrendering to the fact that I am POWERLESS against alcohol, without God, without sobriety, without Unconditional Love of self.
Oh, and on another note, I’ve started the journey into healing and horses!!! I’ve begun working with special needs individuals and horses, as well as beginning the journey into energy work on horses. See photo below.
All is due timing, as I want to be healed yesterday. (Thank GOOD for horses!!!!) 😀