I feel a sense of deep sadness in me. I would imagine that this sadness is not an emotion that CBT can solve… Rather it is a deep, deep sadness at the state of our world. Sadness in knowing that so many go hungry every single day, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to help them. Sadness in knowing that so many people strive for social status and material goods that mean absolutely nothing, except to the ego. But lasting joy cannot be bought… Unless you’re buying therapy sessions…
And so, there is a massive misattribution of wealth; the poor are starving, dying from disease, on the lowest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, while the West is in a blind race to “graduate, get a job, get married, start a family, accumulate more and more and more.
I feel sad, for so many reasons I feel so sad at the state of our world. We are living in an illusion and we create our own drama to fill the existential void. We avoid our pain, we avoid discomfort, we avoid deep love with each other because deep love could mean deep loss.
But it is in our pain that we find our deepest healing.
I feel so sad when I imagine the billions of people who have incarnated here to learn their lessons and graduate Earth school. I can feel it in my heart, this emotion is etched deeply in me.
And I don’t know how to “fix” this feeling. No matter what I do, no matter how much I give, I don’t know if our planet will be saved. Global warming, ocean pollution, melting ice caps, mass animal extinction, deforestation, these aspects of our world hurt me more than the awareness that billions of people are not self-actualizing.
Our Earth is innocent, our Earth has done nothing but bring us life, bring us peace, nurture us and provide for us. And yet, as a species, we are single-handedly destroying everything that is meant to heal us and bring us back to God. Our Earth is so innocent and so pure. And we as a human population are destroying the source that is meant to heal us. That is meant to bring us back to a deep connection with our True self.
I know I’m going to be okay, because I feel deeply that this is it. This has caused my psychoses. My fragmentation of reality. This is the most difficult emotion that I have avoided facing, because it is caused by events and factors that are beyond my control. And I feel deeply that I am going to be okay. And I’m not creating in my circle of the future that I will always have the sadness, I am simply surrendering to what is in this moment.
And so, I want to end this entry with one last affirmation, or prayer:
“Spirit, please continue to light my way forward, as I continue to let that sadness that presents itself to me in moments be felt and not suppressed. Please remind me to find peace in nature, joy in friendships, love in learning, and growth in self-discipline. And please remind me to practice awareness and gratitude for this sadness, because I trust that I will find my balance.”
I am not alone. Millions of others are feeling what I feel and are also dedicating their lives to serving the Greater Good. I am not alone. We are in this together.